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So anyways, i'm not feeling terribly good about my existence these days. I have ONE exam coming up in a few days, in a comparatively good class, and yet the prospect of it is still messing badly with my head. I would rather lie in bed for four days straight than i would bother with one more exam. Mom's doing her best to motivate me, and while i appreciate her efforts, i think they're going into the wrong place. On top of that, mostly everything about being a Hard Working Citizen(tm) seems appallingly terrible to me. In my eyes, there's just something inherently wrong with labelling work as "something you don't care for but you have to do anyways because otherwise you'll go broke". The fact that you have to spend most of your waking hours doing something like that? Fuck that shit. I already barely have the energy to keep up a study at reduced work load, and from what i hear, most jobs are much more draining. Let me outline the things about my current future that i do not look forward to:
- Less spare time
- More soul-crushing work
- Demanding bosses
- Higher expectations
- Probably depression if i know my luck right
Basically, a high salary falls second to enjoying what i do. If i was offered a million dollar salary job that i couldn't stand versus a minimum wage job that i would have fun with, i would pick the latter, without a second of hestitation. I may be a terrible capitalist, but money does not justify unhappiness for me. This is also why it's so important for me to find a study that doesn't easily turn into a daily grind. It is also astonishingly hard to convince myself that "necessary evils" are actually necessary, because it just sounds like someone cocked up somewhere in order for that to be necessary. Cock-ups can be fixed, making the "evil" unnecessary. Of course, it might not actually BE like that, but it's how i feel about the subject matter.
TL;DR blargh
- Less spare time
- More soul-crushing work
- Demanding bosses
- Higher expectations
- Probably depression if i know my luck right
Basically, a high salary falls second to enjoying what i do. If i was offered a million dollar salary job that i couldn't stand versus a minimum wage job that i would have fun with, i would pick the latter, without a second of hestitation. I may be a terrible capitalist, but money does not justify unhappiness for me. This is also why it's so important for me to find a study that doesn't easily turn into a daily grind. It is also astonishingly hard to convince myself that "necessary evils" are actually necessary, because it just sounds like someone cocked up somewhere in order for that to be necessary. Cock-ups can be fixed, making the "evil" unnecessary. Of course, it might not actually BE like that, but it's how i feel about the subject matter.
TL;DR blargh
rambling time
Good grief, it really has been a wacky time to be an artist on the intertoobs recently, hasn't it? NFTs appearing and making art theft more prominent than ever, "AI" art generators showing up with multiple major actors (INCLUDING DEVIANTART COUGH COUGH) jumping on despite very clear and significant ethical issues, Twitter being force fed the steaming fresh shits of a particularly deranged billionaire and consequently making people scramble for Twitter Except Not Twitter(tm) (which subsequently revealed many of these to be at least as problematic). It's just fucking exhausting, and this is on top of me having borderline crippling issues with my energy levels for various reasons. I just wanna post art and look at art and say nice things about art when i can manage it, i don't want to be fucking Sisyphus. Build something up, it comes crashing back down. DeviantArt as it is currently does the arting thing well enough, even though i wish they'd take a harder stance on generative images
Welp, shit's going on apparently
Twitter shitting itself and DeviantArt itself suddenly hopping on the AI art train, oy vey. Must admit i would direly have appreciated if i were asked before that happened, because while i'm not opposed to AI art as a tool and toy, i am opposed to artists having their voices stolen, essentially. I'm not gonna pretend that that doesn't sound pretentious, but the sheer amount of forgery that this can result in cannot go unmentioned. Will i get mad if people want to learn and recreate my style? Not at all! I'd find that quite flattering, to be honest, but it would be nice if that was done by like, actually studying my style and seeing how i do shit instead of just chucking my work into a machine and churning out an average. I don't even have a complex MO, shouldn't be too bloody hard to learn if you just know how to draw a sphere. :V But, i'm not gonna nuke my account for this reason. By now, it's not just a gallery, it's an archive. I do have everything on here saved locally (or
a NEW JOURNAL
It's been a hot minute, hasn't it? :V Two years have passed, and you'd think it almost impossible to summarise the vast amount of things that have definitely happened in my life since then, but it uh, really isn't, for better or worse. I graduated my study January 2021, decent grade, huge fucking relief. Unfortunately, this cost me a severe academic burnout, which i've been suffering from to this day. Unemployed for 16 months, mental health is still fucking shot and i'm almost physically recoiling at the thought of studying anything. Doing my best to stay positive but not gonna lie, it's kinda hard some days. Hasn't been all bad though; the keen of memory may remember that i flipped the furry switch sometime last year. More specifically, March 2021 was the month where i finally got myself a fursona, after years of distant flirting with the concept and thinking i'd never get one, but now prominently featured in my avatar. Honestly, it's been good for me. It's not about being a furry
Thoughts on Eclipse
SO, it seems that bitching about Eclipse is all the rage now, so i'm gonna add my two cents to the fire. First of all, i think it has both good and bad, and my opinion may be coloured by me being slow to adjust to drastic changes, so make of that what you will. I've already bitched about this to several of my friends, might as well bitch about it to a few more people. :V The thing here is that i'm approaching the end of my multimedia designer study, and am interning as a front-end developer at a better company that i could ever have fucking dreamed of, so i'm gonna try being mildly objective about this from a web dev standpoint, and naturally also spew my extremely subjective dumb monkey opinions out as well. SO, LET US GO: The design looks modern, for sure, and i believe that was among the goals to achieve. If not, what the fuck? But "modern" is an appearance style, not an indicator of whether or not a site actually works. To my great relief, Eclipse does work, BUT! It has flaws.
© 2015 - 2024 ComradeShook
Comments3
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Man, I get what you mean and I am sure as hell that a lot of others do too.
I too don't like the whole thing of "you have to have a job. Everyone does that so you must too and it is normal".. Sure, I understand that if you want to settle down with a family or even alone you need to be able to care of yourself. But do you really like you said want to waste away your precious years on this world at some crappy job just so you can sustain yourself and keep yourself sane with games and other things that you enjoy? I sure as hell am not waiting for something like that to happen.
I am not that kind of guy who wants a family. That thought might change later, but even now as a 21 year old I still hate the thought of having children.
My plan is kinda like this. Get a living with doing what I love which is drawing comics! Eventually putting up a website and hope to attract enough fans that love my work that I can sustain myself. If that however won't work out then I am just going to sell everything I own expect for really important things like a passport and such.
I'll just start travelling the world then. Spend the rest of my days going out there, meeting new people, working at places for a few days/weeks to earn some cash or food and shelter. I've read a lot into this and I will also take with me a machine that can purify dirty water so it's safe to drink. And a book about all kinds of healthy and edible plants out there.
I would love it way more if I would just travel like that than going to the same crappy job each day for years to come. I don't want to waste my life away like that. You only have one life so why spend it the way others expect you to?
That's my plan. And I sure as hell know there are a lot of risks to it, but I am like "fuck it". That's adventure for you. Of course bad things can and might happen. But also good things. That's what I'm striving for.
I'll just hope you do a lot better in the future. You mustn't think of yourself as if you don't matter. You'll always matter to your family. Especially if your mom always tries to help you cheer up. And you matter to me because I like your funny drawings and so do many others. Sure, you might not be famous, but neither am I. Do I care? Maybe a little bit.. heheh.. You always want people to say "OMG you're great" and what not heheh.. But I draw because I just friggin enjoy it. I wish I was better at it though, but I got myself past that stage. I just draw the in best possible way I can. I'll always improve a bit and that keeps me going too. And so will it with you.
So, cheer up mah buddy! If I might travel in the future I probably will pay you a visit haha!
Sorry for the wall of text.. :/
I too don't like the whole thing of "you have to have a job. Everyone does that so you must too and it is normal".. Sure, I understand that if you want to settle down with a family or even alone you need to be able to care of yourself. But do you really like you said want to waste away your precious years on this world at some crappy job just so you can sustain yourself and keep yourself sane with games and other things that you enjoy? I sure as hell am not waiting for something like that to happen.
I am not that kind of guy who wants a family. That thought might change later, but even now as a 21 year old I still hate the thought of having children.
My plan is kinda like this. Get a living with doing what I love which is drawing comics! Eventually putting up a website and hope to attract enough fans that love my work that I can sustain myself. If that however won't work out then I am just going to sell everything I own expect for really important things like a passport and such.
I'll just start travelling the world then. Spend the rest of my days going out there, meeting new people, working at places for a few days/weeks to earn some cash or food and shelter. I've read a lot into this and I will also take with me a machine that can purify dirty water so it's safe to drink. And a book about all kinds of healthy and edible plants out there.
I would love it way more if I would just travel like that than going to the same crappy job each day for years to come. I don't want to waste my life away like that. You only have one life so why spend it the way others expect you to?
That's my plan. And I sure as hell know there are a lot of risks to it, but I am like "fuck it". That's adventure for you. Of course bad things can and might happen. But also good things. That's what I'm striving for.
I'll just hope you do a lot better in the future. You mustn't think of yourself as if you don't matter. You'll always matter to your family. Especially if your mom always tries to help you cheer up. And you matter to me because I like your funny drawings and so do many others. Sure, you might not be famous, but neither am I. Do I care? Maybe a little bit.. heheh.. You always want people to say "OMG you're great" and what not heheh.. But I draw because I just friggin enjoy it. I wish I was better at it though, but I got myself past that stage. I just draw the in best possible way I can. I'll always improve a bit and that keeps me going too. And so will it with you.
So, cheer up mah buddy! If I might travel in the future I probably will pay you a visit haha!
Sorry for the wall of text.. :/